Funny Sayings by Groucho Marx

English: Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx...
English: Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx, cropped from group photo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here is a selection of some of the hilarious and witty oneliners by the late, great Groucho Marx of the Marx Brothers.  They come from

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike.  Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
My mother lived for children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend.  Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
She got her looks from her father.  He’s a plastic surgeon.
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him.  If he says, “Yes”, you know he is a crook.
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well, I have others.
Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints.  They’re upstairs in my socks.
Marx Brothers, head-and-shoulders portrait, fa...
Marx Brothers, head-and-shoulders portrait, facing front. Top to bottom: Chico, Harpo, Groucho and Zeppo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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